Why Me, God?
73
Is there really a higher power whom many call God? Many believe that an intelligent and educated mind cannot believe in something that a scientist cannot prove with an experiment or mathematical equation. To many, the strong scientific evidence that proves evolution also proves that God did not create mankind, thus God does not exist. In spite of all the great advances in the world of science, thank God that there are still mysterious wonders of the world that current science cannot explain.
What would this world be like if men of science were able to explain away all those mysteries of heaven and earth? Though the world would still be a wondrous place in terms of the amazing synchronization of the Universe, what a disservice science would be doing for mankind. Earth’s people need faith to survive.
Faith is what keeps us going when times are tough, like when we are out of work and our children are hungry or sick. When life seems to be too tough to go on living, the promise of a better place and time -- here on Earth and beyond -- sees us through. Right now, due to the economy, we are seeing more families who are victims of murder from a family member who then commits suicide. What happened to that family member to make him or her lose faith in a better future, whether here on Earth or up above? Perhaps he never had it at all. Faith makes us and lack of faith breaks us.
Why Are We Here If We Are Just Going To Die?
I, too, have questioned my faith, as many of us have. Blessed are those whose faith never wavered in times of trouble for they are truly children of God -- my quote, not the Bible’s. I gave a great deal of thought to life, here and ever after, when my dad took too long to die of cancer. After a solid week in which he could not communicate any longer, eat or drink, and did not even open his eyes, please do not think me heartless for that thought. He was slowly starving to death, as he wanted no artificial means of being kept alive. I remember feeling so appalled by that.
I spent a lot of time wondering to what purpose is life. People, like my dad, work their whole lives to have something to show for it, yet when it was his time to go -- while not rich, but certainly not poor -- I found that no amount of money was able to keep him from his journey.
For the first time in what was then my 37 years of life, 74 seemed so very young to me. I spend a lot of time using my fingers to count the differences in our ages (do not ask me why….it seems silly now that I could never remember). At the time, I figured that I might have 34 good years left -- give or take a few. I have already squandered 12 of those precious years away. Life is too short and goes by so very fast.
My father and mother were divorced while I was still a baby. Though I did not grow up in his household, I always knew him and loved him. Unfortunately, I never felt that closeness to him that one gains from a lifetime of living together as a family.
During that long week as my dad lay facing certain death, though never out loud, I prayed for just one thing: that I would have some kind of a sign from God that my dad was going with the knowledge that he knew just how much I regretted that we never achieved that closeness and that I truly loved him.
Waiting for the grim reaper is grim indeed. My nerves were jumping out of my skin. On his last day, we knew that he could die at any moment. As we kept vigil at his bedside, I felt the need to leave for a bit. Truly, I was unsure that I wanted to be there at the moment of his passing.
As I left the room, I turned back to look at my dad. For the first time in a week, his eyes were open. I said, “I love you, Daddy,” and he winked at me. It was a real, honest to goodness, animated wink. To my beloved stepmother, I cried, “Did you see that? He winked at me!” Unfortunately, both she and my sister had been looking at me and did not see it.
My stepmother explained that sometimes, while in a semi-conscious state -- as my father apparently was -- that there are involuntary movements and there was no way it could have happened. He was too far gone, she told me. I looked back at my dying father. His eyes were shut, just the same as they had been all week. Still, I left that room with joy in my heart, knowing that my prayer had been answered. When I came back, he was gone.
Having said goodbye to me in such an extraordinary way made his passing easier for me to bear. I thanked God for that wonderful gift of faith. I also had the answer to my other question of life and its purpose. I found that, although wealth can give you comfort while you are living, only love can give you comfort when you are dying. Life is loving.
He's Got The Whole Wide World In His Hands
Many people would not think I am a religious person. I agree that I am not religious about going to church, but God has always been in my life. I feel a spirituality and connection with God that many churchgoers might never achieve.
My Grandmother, a Hard-Shell Baptist, made sure that we had God in our hearts as young children. I was able to recite the 23rd Psalm at age 3 and I knew that ‘He Had the Whole World in His Hands.’ Still, the lessons that I learned from Grandmother were not about church going. Her church only met once a month.
Hard-Shell Baptists are not missionaries and do not feel the need to save the sinners of the world. They believe in pre-destination, which -- as I can best explain it -- means more that if you are supposed to be a child of God, you will be, no matter if you willfully want to or not. Grandmother was not forceful in her beliefs and she never, ever, forced her views of religion on others. Still, not many people I have ever met had God in their hearts any more than she ever did.
Grandmother did not preach it; she practiced it. She was loving and giving with others. She took in two orphans -- and raised them with her own two children -- who had lost their parents in a fire. She did this on a coal miner’s pay, which was not much back in those days. She was charitable and taught me to be giving as well.
We never had prejudice in our lives when I was a child. We did not even know what that was. Grandmother thought that all the people of the world were God’s children. She encouraged us to go to different churches and learn different ways in which others worship God. If Grandmother would have had the opportunity, I am sure that she, an avid Bible reader, would have attended a Muslim or Buddhist service. She was truly a child of God. As she helped to raise me, my own personal views on religion have been greatly influenced by her.
Doing God's Work In A Small Way
While I do not pretend that God has chosen me above all others, God does work in mysterious ways. Other than the ministry, does God use his people to do his work for him? I know so. There have been several times that I believe that I was called on to do his work. Just think for a moment and might remember times that you answered the call yourself. For instance, getting a sudden urge to call a friend who says, "Oh, I'm so called you called. I fell asleep with the stove on." That type of thing happens to me occasionally. We might brush it off as coincidence, but it is really?
There is one instance in which I have no doubt at all that God called me to duty. He called on me to give solace to a dying woman. I believe that, as I am sure many people who have a terminal illness do, she had questions about whether her life really had been meaningful. God used me to show her how she had affected the life of a young teen.
During my teen years, this woman was there in my life. Both of her daughters were my good friends and still are. She was almost always home, unlike my mother who worked nights at the time. Though it was never a conscious thought, I think it made me feel better knowing she was there. I remember many chats at her kitchen table. She talked about things like sex. She said things I could listen to from someone else’s mother, but was rebelling against with my own.
I had moved away and had not seen Mrs. H for some years when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. At this point in time, her husband had been in a semi-vegetative state for about 10 years due to a major stroke. He was cared for at home, so her life had not been particularly good for some time.
One night, later into her illness, I got into bed quite late. My husband was sleeping next to me. I was not asleep. I was not nor had I been thinking at all about Mrs. H. All at once, a very loud voice said, “Send Mrs. H a card!” I was so startled that I answered it out loud, just as loud, though the voice must surely have been in my head. “Okay, I will!”
I never even considered then that it was a dream and do not today. I cannot deny that I was very unsettled about it and even had to get out of bed for a time. The very next morning, my friend called me. I asked about her mother and she told me that she did not see visitors, but she enjoyed getting cards. The hair on my arms stood up. Was that a second message?
Still, I resisted for almost two weeks in sending that card, though I had purchased it right away. I just did not know what to write in the card. What do you say to someone who is dying? I did not know, but wanted to say more than “Love, Connie. Get Well Soon.” It weighed heavily on my mind until I sent it.
Late one night, I sat at my computer. I decided that maybe I should just type out some different ideas of what I should say so I could get that card sent. I really was not planning a letter, just some examples of words and phrases I might use. Yet, as I typed, the words just started flowing.
When I was done, I had a two-page letter to Mrs. H, telling her what it had meant to me to have her in my life as a teenager. I truly had never even thought of her as having really affected my life before the letter. By the time I was done, I knew just how she had. All of it was true and from my heart. My letter encompassed such things as the fact that because of her, I was home in the evening with my own teens and that it was my house that the kids came to.
As kids, we used to tease her because she loved garage sales so much. When I was a young mother and had little money, I remembered what she said about the great stuff you could find for practically nothing. I started going and found many bargains and treasures over the years. By the time that I wrote the letter, I owned a used furniture store and, though I bought estates, I purchased most of my really interesting and unique items at yard sales around the Tampa Bay area. Because of her, I had a business. I cannot remember what all I said in the letter, but it was obviously what needed to be said.
My friend was with her mother when she read that letter. After her mother read it, she folded it up and said, “Now my life has meaning.” When I heard that, I knew that I had been used by God to give someone purpose who doubted that it existed in his or her own life.
Like George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life," we often don't know how we have touched other people and made a difference in their lives. I can think of several other people who have made a big difference in mine. I guess we just do not let those people know it often enough.
Did I really hear the voice of God? Perhaps he sent an emissary on his behalf, as I am surely the least worthy of his followers to hear his voice. God knows that I am not one to shout my faith from the rooftops or try to sway others to my own personal beliefs. I have never taught Sunday school nor, as an adult, even gone to church much except to attend weddings and funerals.
If God can take the time to answer the small prayer of someone like me -- who does not pray hard or often -- and if he cares that Mrs. H had meaning in her life while she was still living it, then what a wonderful and glorious God he is. I do know that I am proud to have been of service to him in this very small way. If called upon again, I will do my utmost to assist him in giving others the answers that they seek. Thank you, God for I have found mine.
CommentsLoading...
I don't believe your father winked at you because you have faith that he did. I believe it because of some experiences I had when my father died. It has to do with undying love, which the one emotion that transcends life and death. Just as you still love your father, he also still loves you. It is a wondrous and beautiful thing, and you were able to put it into words that are wondrous and beautiful.
As for other things, you will understand if you choose to. If you choose not to, it seems to me that you have chosen blind faith in beauty and love, and that you go out of your way to spread both!
Sorry, maybe I misunderstood you. I thought your reference to faith in miracles was related to your father's wink.
When my father was dying, he was comatose for several days, except he woke up and talked to each of his children the day before he died. I was the first one he talked to because I was in the room at the time. That is why I know that you saw what you saw.
I certainly don't want to debate you about your faith, and apologize for any inference to that end you picked up from my words.
Connie,
This Hub touched me. And yes, your father winked at you. The last thing to go in the terminally ill is their hearing. So when people are gathered around thinking this person is completely out of it, they can, in many cases, only hear. So, it is important what we say to a person in such a state.
Your Hub is packed with wisdom and discernment. It would take too long to comment on each part of it so I'll just say, I agree with all of it. Thank you for sharing your heart and your faith and your love.
Hi - touching story. Just two teensy weensy points; I don't think science has "proved" evolution, as you sorta hint at in the beginning... Maybe strongly believes in most of it... (Darwins theory actually has several parts, and isn't/can't be proven as a whole)
Technically, they haven't even really "proven" gravity (don't let them try and tell you their theory of gravity is a "fact"!)... http://hubpages.com/hub/Do-you-believe-in-gravity
And my other point is one of the points you made so well; There's a lot to this universe, and there's certainly a lot more of what we don't know, than what we do know.
Connie,
Very touching story. Some people make a difference on hubpages. You are one of them.
Keep writing and never loose faith.
Faith cannot be debated. Too many people argue about it..
Two years ago I was in the hospital with a broken neck. There was a slim chance repairing it. My prayer was : "God you created me. Thanks for taken care of me". I never doubted. And God healed me through surgery. I wound up with some stiffness in my neck to remind me that God does care.
Wonderful hub...full of smiles.....thanks! :)
Dear Connie ~ I can tell you are a compassionate & sensitive person from your writing. This could even be a book for others to pick up off the shelf to read. It seems people connect with different parts of your story. The part that touched me was when it took you so long to write the letter to the lady, which ended up being so meaningful, you knew it gave her a sense of purpose. In the end, we all must actually 'do' some action in this world to make a difference. If you just pondered and thought about it and never sat down to write and mail the letter, you would not see the results of your intention.
blessings
Debby, CHOM
Before reading this you were just someone on the net. Now I feel like you are more like a friend. Thank you for sharing a personal heartache and a heart rewarding moment. I believe that your father responded to you, I had a similar experience.
I believe that our Creator speaks to us all, some listen, some do not. Keep listening.
Hello Connie:
Nice story, well written but trite and common.
What you experienced was normal and natural for a caring person to experience. Why would you connect the supernatural to an imminent occurrence which has been happening every moment life has existed on this planet? The "faith" you mention, is "religous faith" which is based 100% on "hope."
Hope is only experienced by we human animals. It is just to desire with an expectation of fulfillment. It has nothing to do with supernatural divinities except as they exist in the human consciousness as "imagination."
For some reason, probably arrogance, we human animals place undue value on our existence, when in fact, we are just another form of life trying to adapt and survive.
We appear and disappear. That is "Mother Nature's" plan.
If you have not read "Desiderata," pls do (type Desiderata on Google) it's just a page long and the message is wonderful. "...no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
Qwark
Hello Connie
....oh yes, generically "trite." We all experience death. It is only meaningful when it becomes personal.
To speak of "death" as being something other than it being just a "common" occurrence is absurd.
We all, as "conscious" creatures, have hope, but hope alone is nothing upon which one should guide his life. All that the majority of humanity has, is hope. That is what drives them into monotheistic belief: a hope that things will get better after death. One in four people alive today live as they did 6000 years ago.
I have no problem with people believing in imagined gods, in whatever form they take, as long as they do no harm to others. To feel hurt, sympathy, sadness etc., with the loss of a loved one is "normal" for animal life that has been "blessed" with "higher consciousness."
To relate the natural and normal to the "supernatural" is inane.
Man does not need "faith to survive." Man needs time and an ability to adapt to a "Mother" which demands that all life function in "balance" or disappear.
We are, at this stage in our evolutionary progress, much too young, naive, innocent, arrogant and ignorant to a abide by "Her" rules! We at this moment in our growth are our own worst enemy.
I read well written, well expressed "hubs" like yours and grimace when I come across words like "god" which expresses primitive thought and attitude and has been linked to man's generic, predacious, deadly character for so many millenia. It reminds me of just how "infantile" a species we still are.
I do not mean for my response to be insulting..:-)
I'm sure you are a fine lady who is quite "normal" and doing those things which contemporary humans do.
I see things "holistically," both the macro and the micro and am concerned that my grandchildren will not make it to adulthood due to the danger monotheism represents on a planet which cares not whether our species succeeds or not.
I'm just being honest and blunt.
Qwark
Thank you for a response Connie. You have missed my point totally. I am 60, 2 1/2 yrs baptist seminarian and many years of both formal and informal study in too many areas of science to enumerate. The time you have taken to respond is appreciated.
By the way, who is Quirk? :-)
Qwark
Much appreciated Connie..
I did very well in Dale Carnegies course: "How to Win Friends and Influence People," in the early '80's. The course was interesting and worthwhile....but expensive.
I am not an atheist, agnostic, deist or a believer in imagined "god/s."
I think that I mentioned that I am a pragmatist, logician and realist.
I try to respond honestly and to the point. My style is not "flowery," it is blunt and to the point.
I do "belittle" the thinking of the "masses" of humanity that believe in and worship that which only exists as an abstract concept and are willing to kill and die for it. Of that I am guilty! :-)
Being that we humans have not yet reached adolescence as a species, I am quite sure that if monotheistic fanaticism doesnt take us to the brink of extinction, the "fad," a belief in this "god/allah thing, will be "deleted" by the processes of "universal" education and an inherent desire to succeed and survive as a "natural" evolving life form.
The English language is about 500,000 words strong. It is alive and growing.
We are what we are because of our ability to use language. Try to describe the "essence" of a rose without using words.
I will never apologize for my knowledge of and ability to use my native language.
I sincerely appreciate your responses and even your "opinions."
We, I hope, civily, agree to disagree....:-)
Qwark
connie.... then 'nuff said.....:-)
Qwark
















Tom Koecke Level 3 Commenter 2 years ago
Your father did wink at you! Well written Hub!